First off, my husband and I had a wonderful first year of marriage and we did NOT live together before we got married. Second, you fail to mention any stats when you say “test drive” the relationship. Maybe you should look at a few.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

http://mylordandmyblog.christianstandard.biz/2009/02/24/seven-reasons-why-living-together-before-marriage-is-not-a-good-idea/

By the way, one of those is a secular article, but both leave out the whole issue about premarital sex. Our children will NOT be allowed to cohabit with anyone of the opposite sex, but every parent has to make their own call. I just believe it should be an educated decision.

Debbie, I think it’s wonderful that you and your husband found the right choice for your marriage, but this blog post like many others out there simply state an opinion about marriage therefore I don’t find it always necessary to post stats. Ok, maybe not in this case but that’s simply because the anti-cohabitation front is a more vocal. As for your children, I’m sure you will instill in them the values you want them to live by and I will do they same for my own (future) children. Educate yourself all you want but everyone makes their own decision based on their situation (ours was purely based on a very difficult family situation) and all the stats in the world aren’t going to change that.

I completely agree with Living Together Before Marriage. I have lived with several people in my life; usually due to financial circumstances. I was raised in an ultra-religious family where my parents (particularly my mother) completely prohibited “cohabiting” prior to marriage. Luckily, I was given the ability to think for myself and make my own judgment as to what would work for me personally.

Statistics are a wonderful tool for gauging the pros and cons of situations. In this instance, you can look at the high percentages of people who live together before marriage having a more likely chance to be divorced…however, you can also look at it like someone who knows themselves and recognizes that, regardless of whether I personally live with someone prior to marriage or not, I’m more or less likely to get a divorce based on my analysis of myself and my needs.

I am married to a man who has lived by almost every word his parents taught him. He was raised by two very religious (I know many object to being called religious…in this case, if you are one of those individuals, please insert “spiritual” where it suits you) parents who taught him to believe the way that they do and to behave in a way that they deemed “appropriate”. However, he made a decision to live with me, although his family objected, prior to marriage. His parents didn’t appreciate his decision in this matter, regardless, they love and respect him for making a decision as an adult that suited his moral code – not necessarily their own. They haven’t held it over his head and treated him disparagingly just because they don’t agree with his decision on this issue.

Many parents attempt to instill in their children their beliefs and their moral codes. That is what parents are bound to do. Hopefully, in addition to your spiritual and ethical guidance, your children are provided with thinking abilities to analyze and rationalize situations inside and outside the narrow spectrum of personal religious perspectives…because, after all, one person’s religious perspective is never exactly the same as someone else’s regardless that the church is the same.

My mother will never accept my beliefs and moral codes any more than I will ever accept hers. I love her because she’s my mother. She did the best she could to “train” me in her ways. Luckily, as an adult, I have the ability to choose my own direction in life. Statistics aside, parents do the “best that they can”; what their children decide to do is often not what fits into their parents’ set ideologies. It’s a good thing that most children receive cognizant, reasoning skills external to spiritual inundation to determine what’s best for them.

I agree with you 100%. I live with my boyfriend and my mother can not stand it. Everytime I see her she asks “When are you getting married?” Everytime I explain that we will get married when it is the right time for us, not when she thinks it is right.

To Debbie:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-07-28-cohabitation-research_N.htm

My opinion on the subject: if it works for the couple, then that’s great. It works for me. I’m 22, my boyfriend is 23, we’re both in college and have NO serious thoughts of marriage until we finish our degrees (mine will take a while). So my situation isn’t a commitment issue. Many of my peers are also cohabiting pre-marriage and it seems to work very well. It’s friendly on my bank account as well (because I know, even if I have my own apartment, I’ll still be sleeping over a lot at my boyfriend’s apt).