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Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Posted by Heather on July 11th, 2009

There is no way to know what marriage is like until you are married, but you can eliminate issues if you ask the right questions before you get married.  Of course, there’s no way of knowing that the answers might change over time.  That’s where compromise, compassion and communication are key.

Here are some of the questions you shouldn’t hesitate to ask before walking down the aisle:

  1. Do you want to have children?  How many?  Would you concern adoption? You can’t be completely sure of your fertility, so you need to know your options
  2. How far are you willing to move from where we are today? If you are looking to stay in one place and your spouse is ready to jet-set, you need level-set expectations.
  3. Do you believe in a higher power? There’s nothing stopping different religious beliefs from marrying, but you need to know, understand and accept the other person.  If they believe in Xyeedus the Goddess of Dandelions - you might want to back out the door slowly.
  4. Are you ready to make me your number one priority over all other family and friends? Important!  You need to be sure that you and your mate are willing to put one another before everyone else.
  5. What are your financial philosophies? If you plan on spending every dime you bring home and your mate wants to save 50% - you’re in for BIG issues.
  6. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I know this sounds like job interview, but if your betrothed says he wants to work on a beet farm in Nebraska and you see yourself in a NYC high-rise, you have issues.

Any other marriage vets out there have some questions they feel are important?

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Another question you might talk with your significant other about it sex. How often do you think is appropriate/acceptable/necessary? How do you foresee keeping the passion alive in the years to come?

Another question you might talk with your significant other about sex. How often do you think is appropriate/acceptable/necessary? How do you foresee keeping the passion alive in the years to come?

What about the way you grew up did you like? What did you dislike? How would you like the children to grow up? What disciplinary actions do you agree/disagree with?

What about your upbringing/parents would you like to include when raising children? Which parts would you change?

What have you learned from the relationship of your parents?

Most experts say that the past can be a huge indicator of how people will want their future. So the idea of “leaving the past in the past” is foolish.

You can ask all the questions you want. You can even live with the person. But you really won’t know them until you are married. Things change. Attitudes change. You just have to have faith and be willing to love and keep that promise. Then you are ready.

But I will say, I have watched Jon and Kate on occasion (that Aiden is something special!) and their home has to a might differently than most homes.

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