Comments on: How Soon is Too Soon? http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/ Modern Marriage Musings brought to you by a Modern Married Woman Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:28:42 +0000 hourly 1 By: Heather http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/comment-page-1/#comment-3326 Heather Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:17:10 +0000 http://marriagediva.com/?p=492#comment-3326 Maria, Our strikingly similar stories aren't out of the ordinary. Since I shared this with some people, it seems A LOT of folks out their know of this happening. Strangely, it's seems to be women going after recently widowed men and not the other way around! I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your husband are sticking together, but it's so easy to run and hide, but you really do need one another now. Right after my mom died, someone told me something that's just starting to come true. Memories and thoughts about your mother-in-law that are painful right now because of her recent passing will someday become cherished memories. I couldn't even think about my childhood and good times we had without crying for months, but now I can look back and smile. You'll always have the memories and now they mean even more. Maria,

Our strikingly similar stories aren’t out of the ordinary. Since I shared this with some people, it seems A LOT of folks out their know of this happening. Strangely, it’s seems to be women going after recently widowed men and not the other way around!

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your husband are sticking together, but it’s so easy to run and hide, but you really do need one another now.

Right after my mom died, someone told me something that’s just starting to come true. Memories and thoughts about your mother-in-law that are painful right now because of her recent passing will someday become cherished memories. I couldn’t even think about my childhood and good times we had without crying for months, but now I can look back and smile. You’ll always have the memories and now they mean even more.

]]> By: Maria Benoit http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/comment-page-1/#comment-3300 Maria Benoit Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:58:49 +0000 http://marriagediva.com/?p=492#comment-3300 Type your comment here I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad I ran into this letter. I agree that 3 months seems too soon to us, but you have let them make that decision, so I agree with the way you handled the situation. My mother in law died on Mother's Day. It was sudden. We were advised she had seconardy liver cancer and she was gone in 6 days. My in laws were married for 43 years. At the funeral an aquaintance, widow, of theirs emerged as a person interested in my father in law. Since the week of the funeral they have had breakfast several days a week together, supper, she's introduced him to her children and neighbors, and now they have started going out dancing a couple of times a week together. My husband and I feel that it's disrespectful, but we don't know how to approach it. We would've been ok if he went out socially 3 months after she passed away, but we are not comfortable with days after. Type your comment here
I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad I ran into this letter. I agree that 3 months seems too soon to us, but you have let them make that decision, so I agree with the way you handled the situation. My mother in law died on Mother’s Day. It was sudden. We were advised she had seconardy liver cancer and she
was gone in 6 days. My in laws were
married for 43 years. At the funeral an aquaintance, widow, of theirs emerged as a person interested in my father in law. Since the week of the funeral they have had breakfast several days a week together, supper, she’s introduced him to her children and neighbors, and now they have started going out dancing a couple of times a week together. My husband and I feel that it’s disrespectful, but we don’t know how to approach it. We would’ve been ok if he went out socially 3 months after she passed away, but we are not comfortable with days after.

]]> By: Heather http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/comment-page-1/#comment-1581 Heather Wed, 08 Apr 2009 00:04:01 +0000 http://marriagediva.com/?p=492#comment-1581 Thank you both so much for your wishes. I always knew that losing my mother would be terribly difficult, but the wealth of emotions can be overwhelming. Lisa, I'm so glad your grandad is able to enjoy life again; especially with someone who truly understands. Su, you are so right about him being honest. I hope that if he does start dating he doesn't try to hide his grief. He doesn't with family, but I see that he could do it with friends. Thank you both so much for your wishes. I always knew that losing my mother would be terribly difficult, but the wealth of emotions can be overwhelming.

Lisa, I’m so glad your grandad is able to enjoy life again; especially with someone who truly understands.

Su, you are so right about him being honest. I hope that if he does start dating he doesn’t try to hide his grief. He doesn’t with family, but I see that he could do it with friends.

]]> By: Su Prieta http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/comment-page-1/#comment-1565 Su Prieta Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:23:19 +0000 http://marriagediva.com/?p=492#comment-1565 I am also very sorry for your loss. I think it all depends on the person. It could be that he may find it helpful to remain social and go out with a woman on strictly a platonic level until a time when he is ready to go further. And as long as he is honest about that with the woman he is to go out with, there shouldn't be a problem. If he feels the need to pull back from any such relationship, any woman should certainly be understanding of this. Only time can tell and only time can begin to heal the hurt that your father has lived through this loss. My heart goes out to you and your entire family. I am also very sorry for your loss.

I think it all depends on the person. It could be that he may find it helpful to remain social and go out with a woman on strictly a platonic level until a time when he is ready to go further. And as long as he is honest about that with the woman he is to go out with, there shouldn’t be a problem.

If he feels the need to pull back from any such relationship, any woman should certainly be understanding of this.

Only time can tell and only time can begin to heal the hurt that your father has lived through this loss.

My heart goes out to you and your entire family.

]]> By: Lisa http://marriagediva.com/2009/04/04/how-soon-is-too-soon/comment-page-1/#comment-1552 Lisa Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:09:54 +0000 http://marriagediva.com/?p=492#comment-1552 I'm very sorry for your loss. Personally I would think that 3 months is not a long enough time to deal with grief and it does seem a little forward for this woman to ask you when you are also grieving. This reminds me of my family's experience. My nanna died 6 years ago after a short illness and it was devastating for my grandad. He would come to our house every day and not really know what to do with himself. A friend of his and my nanna's had also lost her husband a year before this and they began seeing each other about 8 months later. One thing that really upset me in the beginning was my grandad loved travelling and he said he would never go on holiday again, because what was the point on your own? He has since travelled the world with his new partner and I'm so happy for him. My nanna is deeply missed, but they speak about her often which really helps everyone. My grandad chooses to grieve my nanna when he is alone, as he wants to and he visits her grave regularly. Perhaps it is too soon for your dad, but he'll know. We all need companionship and it does not take away his feelings for your mother, but might help him to enjoy life more at the moment and give him some hope. I hope this helps and my best wishes to you at this sad time. I’m very sorry for your loss.

Personally I would think that 3 months is not a long enough time to deal with grief and it does seem a little forward for this woman to ask you when you are also grieving.

This reminds me of my family’s experience. My nanna died 6 years ago after a short illness and it was devastating for my grandad. He would come to our house every day and not really know what to do with himself. A friend of his and my nanna’s had also lost her husband a year before this and they began seeing each other about 8 months later.

One thing that really upset me in the beginning was my grandad loved travelling and he said he would never go on holiday again, because what was the point on your own?

He has since travelled the world with his new partner and I’m so happy for him. My nanna is deeply missed, but they speak about her often which really helps everyone. My grandad chooses to grieve my nanna when he is alone, as he wants to and he visits her grave regularly.

Perhaps it is too soon for your dad, but he’ll know. We all need companionship and it does not take away his feelings for your mother, but might help him to enjoy life more at the moment and give him some hope.

I hope this helps and my best wishes to you at this sad time.

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