I’m very sorry for your loss.

Personally I would think that 3 months is not a long enough time to deal with grief and it does seem a little forward for this woman to ask you when you are also grieving.

This reminds me of my family’s experience. My nanna died 6 years ago after a short illness and it was devastating for my grandad. He would come to our house every day and not really know what to do with himself. A friend of his and my nanna’s had also lost her husband a year before this and they began seeing each other about 8 months later.

One thing that really upset me in the beginning was my grandad loved travelling and he said he would never go on holiday again, because what was the point on your own?

He has since travelled the world with his new partner and I’m so happy for him. My nanna is deeply missed, but they speak about her often which really helps everyone. My grandad chooses to grieve my nanna when he is alone, as he wants to and he visits her grave regularly.

Perhaps it is too soon for your dad, but he’ll know. We all need companionship and it does not take away his feelings for your mother, but might help him to enjoy life more at the moment and give him some hope.

I hope this helps and my best wishes to you at this sad time.

I am also very sorry for your loss.

I think it all depends on the person. It could be that he may find it helpful to remain social and go out with a woman on strictly a platonic level until a time when he is ready to go further. And as long as he is honest about that with the woman he is to go out with, there shouldn’t be a problem.

If he feels the need to pull back from any such relationship, any woman should certainly be understanding of this.

Only time can tell and only time can begin to heal the hurt that your father has lived through this loss.

My heart goes out to you and your entire family.

Thank you both so much for your wishes. I always knew that losing my mother would be terribly difficult, but the wealth of emotions can be overwhelming.

Lisa, I’m so glad your grandad is able to enjoy life again; especially with someone who truly understands.

Su, you are so right about him being honest. I hope that if he does start dating he doesn’t try to hide his grief. He doesn’t with family, but I see that he could do it with friends.

Type your comment here
I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad I ran into this letter. I agree that 3 months seems too soon to us, but you have let them make that decision, so I agree with the way you handled the situation. My mother in law died on Mother’s Day. It was sudden. We were advised she had seconardy liver cancer and she
was gone in 6 days. My in laws were
married for 43 years. At the funeral an aquaintance, widow, of theirs emerged as a person interested in my father in law. Since the week of the funeral they have had breakfast several days a week together, supper, she’s introduced him to her children and neighbors, and now they have started going out dancing a couple of times a week together. My husband and I feel that it’s disrespectful, but we don’t know how to approach it. We would’ve been ok if he went out socially 3 months after she passed away, but we are not comfortable with days after.

Maria,

Our strikingly similar stories aren’t out of the ordinary. Since I shared this with some people, it seems A LOT of folks out their know of this happening. Strangely, it’s seems to be women going after recently widowed men and not the other way around!

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your husband are sticking together, but it’s so easy to run and hide, but you really do need one another now.

Right after my mom died, someone told me something that’s just starting to come true. Memories and thoughts about your mother-in-law that are painful right now because of her recent passing will someday become cherished memories. I couldn’t even think about my childhood and good times we had without crying for months, but now I can look back and smile. You’ll always have the memories and now they mean even more.

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Yes, it is too soon. I am amazed at how quickly people start dating and remarrying after death of spouse. Don’t see how you could be too upset or grieving too hard, if you are ready to go out on the town at three months or even a year.

think I must visit Bohol pretty soon…hope I’ll get a chance.

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My mom dated a year after my dad’s death and I’ve always resented her for it. My mom is 38 years old and I understand that she’s a young woman but the fact that she dated a year after he died and got PREGNANT !!! Really upsets me. I’ve never told her how I felt but there are times when I just wanna yell at her, if she loved my dad as much as she says she does why did she stop grieving so quickly, how could she get over “the love of her life” in the blink of an eye. A year isn’t very long, I just feel she replaced my dad way too soon.

Well, I found this post through a search and was wondering the same thing myself. I met a lovely widow with two beautiful kids who’s husband passed just over three months ago. He was terminally ill for four months so it wasn’t really too sudden. We are very naturally and strongly drawn to each other and it feels totally right to us both. But her family (particularly her late husband’s) are far lees than accepting as we and her children obviously are. So what should we do now? Put it on hold? How long is long enough? Some are saying a year. But that’s insane!

I have a relative that buried his wife, then 3 weeks later started dating her friend… started living together 4 months later, and are marrying 8 months after his wife’s death. UNREAL! Makes you doubt his loyalty to his wife while she was alive, yet alone what injustice he is doing to his in-laws of more than 15 years! I want to say something to him because it disgusts me, but I know it won’t do anything but exclude me from certain family members….

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Too soon will be around withing 24 hours.

I feel for the Pissed off relative story.
My step father did the same thing after being so committed to my mom for 20 years of marriage. He was so distraught after my his wife, my mom died so suddenly that we felt so sorry for him. In a nut shell he latched on to us to nearly the point of smothering us. We felt very sad for him and stood with him and comforted him daily. He began nearly begging us to move in with him. We did not, but we decided to buy the house right behind him even though it went against our better judgment. Well after we changed our whole life for him 10 days after we moved into the new house that cost us a fortune, him he starts dating and has now remarried after 8 in half months and has broken every promise to us and my 10 year old daughter. I tried to stay in a relationship with him but to no avail so now we have parted ways. I feel for him that he could not stand to be alone and can understand that somewhat but to use us and my daughter and then throw us aside like we hardly exist is so very wrong. So now that my grieving has been interrupted I can now focus on the loss of my wonderful mom.

I think it all depends. everyone does grieves differntly… also.. how old is the widower? Widow? My mother in-law just passed in september 2011 and my father in-law loved her deeply but he is also lonley.. he loves to dance and have fun.. a companion would do him well. So it all depends on what type of ‘dating’ your talking.. also you never know when your # is up either.. who are you to judge? to say it is too soon? IF they are ready they are ready.. let them have fun but also be there for support.. if they need you and ask you if you like that person.

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