A marriage basically amounts to the sum of the experiences you share together.  That’s why some couples grow together while others fall apart.  How do you stay one of the lucky couples?  My opinion is brutal honesty and painfully open communication.  Don’t worry - it’s not as painful as it sounds.

Try this - think back to a time that you had a feeling or thought you believed to be wrong or inappropriate and didn’t share it with your spouse.  Maybe you were relieved that your spouse didn’t get a job they applied for or you were happy to have a few hours alone when they had to work late.  I might even been a feeling you had about something non-marriage related, but you feel guilty for, well, for lack of a better phrase, feeling the feeling.  If your like a lot of people you took that emotion and stuffed it deep down inside your soul and pretended it wasn’t there.  Every time you push feelings down, you’re being less than honest with yourself and most likely your spouse.

The next time you have one of those feelings, share it with your spouse.  We live in a world that makes each of us an island unto ourselves, but we need to remember we got married for a reason.  In light of the recent lost of my mother, I have been very honest about my feelings to my husband.  Not a day that goes by that I don’t look to him for support and advice, as he lost his father 8 years ago.  If you’ve been in my shoes, you know that some of the feelings can be bizarre.  I could just deal with my odd thoughts alone, but I would be excluding him from the experience.

If there’s one person in the world you should be able to be completely honest with and that’s your spouse.  Open yourself up to the honesty and see how it changes your relationship.