In response to Help Me, I Hate My Husband, I received the following comment:

I am coming up to my 6th wedding anniversary, and I am wishing I could just leave the union. My husband, 2 decades older than me, spends more time playing video games than anything else, never says thank you for cleaning the house/doing laundry/etc, and I am just over it.

I did not enter into a union to feel like a caretaker. I asked him to just dance with me the other day, and it was such an ordeal for him.

I miss our time, and I have forgotten why I fell in love with him in the first place. His “I love you/I need you’s” tend to come when he has drank too much, rather than just spur of the moment.

Should I just walk away?

Signed, Monica

Monica,

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. For you, at this moment, marriage is a chore. It seems to me that you feel like you’re giving and not getting anything in return.  Obiviously this isn’t how you envisioned your marriage but I think you owe it to yourself and him to do everything you can before you walk away for good.

I think a big question you need to ask yourself is have you only addressed the events or the actual issues.  What I mean is, do you just argue about the video games, the drinking, the laziness, the unloving behavior? If you only address the events and not how it’s affecting your feelings for him he may see it as an attack and just shut down further.  I am NOT saying you need to just brush aside his behavior.  He is a grown man and needs to step up and be an active member of the marriage and the household.

You really need to dig deep and think about the first time you kissed him, the moment you first said I love you and the vows you took on your wedding day and try to remember why you married him in the first place.  There was a reason and you owe it to yourself to work to get it back.  Find your fight and maybe your strength will bring him back.

It’s not going to be easy and it may not even be possible, but I think if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be looking on the internet for a little help.  I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your strength, desire and determination will get you to a better place in your marriage.  If not, use all that you have to find your way out without hurting yourself, him and the family.