It’s been just over a month since my mom passed away and anyone out there who has stood in the shoes knows that you just want to know when the pain stops.

I get up in the morning, go to work, enjoy my life and do the same things I did before she died but there’s always this emptiness but it’s slowly becoming more familiar.  I think the first year will present a lot of emotional challenges.  All the “firsts”.  The first birthday, anniversary, major holiday, etc.  And I’m tired of misting up on my way home from work.  It seems to be when I lose it most days.  It’s my time alone with nothing to do but sit at the longest light in the world and just wish I was home.  I cry a little and then I think about her and I smile a little too.

Mr. Diva lost his father nearly 9 years ago.  We were just dating at the time but had talked about marriage and nothing brings you into the fold of a family quite like a tragedy.  So much so that he proposed to me less than two months later though we had planned to wait for a while longer.  After his father died I moved in with him  and spent my days making sure he could get up in the morning.

He was in a new city several hours away from the rest of his family, starting his first real job and now he had this chick who squatted in his new apartment.  I cooked, cleaned, and generally made sure he kept going.  I didn’t feel like I was doing anything out of the ordinary, but he’s thanked me on numerous occasions for keeping him moving.

The moment I heard my mom was gone I crumbled.  He was there to hold me up.  He packed my clothes, told me what to do next and got me into the car for what was the longest 4 hour drive ever.  In the days following he guided me alone and caught me when I folded time and time again.  He gave me advice.  Prepared me for the emotions I may or may not encounter.  He acted as an experienced grief counselor, sadly because he had experience.

The conversations we’ve been able to have in the last month aren’t fun, but there’s a level of understanding and closeness we didn’t have before.  I saw his pain 9 years ago, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around it at the time. Anyone who has a spouse who has lost a parent and you have yet to experience it or vice versa, there will probably come a time when you will share this pain.  When that time comes, make it a point to keep your partner in the loop, ask the hard questions and talk about your feelings.  I know there are times I have retreated in my own world, but I make sure to temper my own pity parties with bringing him into my thoughts.