On December 20th, my mom unexpectedly passed away in her sleep.  Needless to say, my holidays were less than jolly and I miss her more than I can possibly say.  She wasn’t old - I won’t divulge her age because she hated getting older, but I will say I looked forward to many more years with her (and she looked much younger that other women her age).  Our relationship wasn’t always easy, but I loved her with all my heart and soul.  I will miss our conversations, her praise, her love and tenderness.

This post however is to honor the 40 year marriage my parents shared.  They met and were married shortly after my dad came back from Vietnam.  They were both searching for something and found it in each other.  They raised 2 children, took care of a home, remodeled, traveled, remodeled some more, and ran a business together.  I can’t say things were always easy for them, but after 40 years, I still saw them kiss, tease, hold hands and say “I love you”.

I know how much I miss my mom, but I cannot imagine what my dad is going through.  I know i don’t have the words to describe what I’m going through so I hate trying to put myself in his shoes.  Forty years of memory to sift through, 40 years of love and the rest of a lifetime dealing with the loss. I helped him go through jewelry, throw out perfume and clear off her side of the sink.  I saw him setting aside items to look at later.  It broke my heart to look at him staring out the kitchen door at the pond.  I know he was probably thinking how he would give anything stand in the kitchen together looking at the geese, the pair of swans or the horses that ran on a nearby property.

It’s nice to hear him speak fondly of the past, but every story drips with pain now.  I hurt for myself but a daughter expects to say goodbye to her mother; I think every spouse selfishly hopes they are the first to go.

In Loving Memory of Patricia Hughes - June 10th 19??-December 20th 2008. I will miss you often and love you always.