…And I’m not talking about the ABC reality show! I recently read an article discussing the increase of swinger’s clubs around the country. My first thought was “ew” and my second thought was “I have to go get my laptop and research these seedy places”. It’s AMAZING how many of them there are popping up all over the place. I found reviews for 3 in my area alone - I really never thought that Dayton Ohio was a hotbed of sexually free people, but I was sorely mistaken.
I don’t understand it. I can’t believe there are women who want to share their husbands and husbands wanting to dabbling in wife sharing. Why did these people even get married? I read excuses like “I like to see my men please my wife” and “it brings us closer together”. I think they got that wrong, it brings you and a stranger closer together!
I think adults should have the right to do just about anything they want, but intimacy should be a big part of marriage and sharing that with someone else over time aids in building a wall between a husband and a wife. Couples might go into swinging with open minds (and zippers) but it’s human nature to get jealous and over time they are heading for a world of emotional pain.
Marriage is work and if your sexual appetite means you need to swing to be satisfied, maybe you need to be a little more creative to fulfill that need. Swingers are playing a game of chance with their relationship by jumping into the lifestyle and hoping it doesn’t destroy your marriage beyond repair.
If I’m way off base, let me know. Any swingers out there who want to explain to me how sharing the sexual part of your marriage has helped your relationship? I don’t mean how it’s helped your sex life because obviously that’s more active…how has it brought you more close together as a couple?
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1 comment so far ↓
Well I’m hoping I can shed some light on why we (swingers) do what we do since you asked…First of all we are not seedy people but it’s agreed that many of the clubs ARE seedy. However they are NOT all alike. Many are set up out of people’s own homes, there is one just northeast of Columbus.
Yes it is “wife sharing” in a sense however, it’s more about knowing yourself and the fact that many people are not able to be with one sexual partner for ever and ever, amen.
Most marriages are ended by an affair because men and women are not getting what they want from their spouses. And it’s NOT always sex. It could be not enough attention, not being there emotionally for each other, not having enough time or energy to put into their marriage when kids and work take precedence, etc. Nor are they honest enough with themselves to realize that maybe they are not wired to be monogamous with each other.
Society dictates how a person should act in any given situation, however, if we don’t bend to those “societal norms” then we are considered outcasts and certainly frowned upon. But gays and lesbians have gained acceptance in the free world and are not looked upon as badly as swingers. Why? We have to continually hide behind those seedy doors just like the gays and lesbians did many years ago. We are NOT hurting anyone with our choice of lifestyle nor are we recruiting like so many gay and lesbian organizations are.
It’s more about open communication with your partner and many people are not able to achieve this higher level of communication, honesty and openness with another partner OR themselves!
Would a marriage be better ended in a divorce because of an affair or would that marriage have endured if by chance the marriage was open to the possibility of swinging and what all it entails? I certainly wouldn’t want to go through the whole affair thing again, I would much rather prefer an open and honest relationship where lies and secrets just don’t happen.
Our sex life together is great and we have many interesting memories and fantasies. However, I can count on both hands with fingers left over the number of couples we’ve been with in a 6 year period of time. We are NOT “bed hoppers”. We look for long term friends with benefits. However, many, MANY, people can’t even get past that. All THEY want to do is hop from bed to bed and that’s okay if that’s what makes their clock tick. We are NOT like that. I suppose those are the people who give us the bad name.
It’s NOT about being intimate with other people. It’s just sex. It’s NOT love, we are NOT making love to these other people, we don’t want to marry them, have their children or simply be with a couple because of they way they look, i.e. the Ken and Barbie couples. It’s just simply sex. Women normally don’t have the ability to separate the sex/love aspect of intercourse. However, those of us that do, know who we are going home [and after extremely hot sex together ourselves] to sleep with.
It’s so hard to explain to people that it’s simply just sex because people have to be in love with others in order to have gratifying sex. It’s a state of mind and a realization of who WE are inside. It’s accepting who we are and not feeling guilty of our desires and needs.
Some of the couples we’ve played with have been together for over 25 years and the others have been together for 10+ years at least. These are the couples we are seeking because they understand the whole lifestyle/swinging thing.
Others are just experimenting because they are trying to “FIX” their relationships/marriages or are doing it because their partner wants to explore. MANY people mostly women are doing it ONLY because their husbands (bfs) have a desire to be with another woman and actively encourage their wife to be with another woman while they watch and/or participate. THESE are NOT the people we want to be with. They have a lot of drama about to unfold and we don’t want to be involved in helping them figure it all out.
Normally couples who have been together for a long time and know each other every well are the couples who are able to go to the other and say, “I’ve been thinking about something and I want your opinion or thoughts…” However we see couples, very young couples (early 20’s!!!), wanting to explore the lifestyle and honestly, they are not mature enough to be able to handle it. There is so many emotions that have to be figured out, for anyone of that age, at some point they end up ruining their relationship in the process. It’s just a fact of life. Young people are not born with the wisdom and experience of people our age (43) and have to figure things out on their own. Whether it’s sex, jobs, relationships, etc.
I disagree, jealousy is not a part of human nature if you don’t want it to be a part of your life. If you chose not to harbor jealousy then it just won’t be there. Jealousy is nothing more than insecurity, either with yourself or how you fit in to your relationship with your spouse. There isn’t any jealousy issues with couples who are experienced swingers. Sure there are others who may do something extraordinary to either of us, but we talk about each and every encounter or play date afterwards so that there are no issues left to fester, i.e. no secrets. Afterwards if there is something that completely turns one of us on, we are not beyond talking to that other couple and asking them to show US how to do whatever it was so that we can bring it home to bed on our own.
I agree with you 100%. It is NOT a fix to an already unsteady relationship and jumping into the lifestyle if you both are not ready for it will certainly seal the divorce decree.
Swinging is not for everyone nor for every marriage. We know that and our hats go off to those who chose to be monogamous! But we know ourselves enough NOT to lie to each other and NOT to make a vow to forsake all others. It’s better to be honest up front than lie from the start!
I hope this sheds some light on a great subject. I’ve started my own blog solely for the purpose of shedding more light on the lifestyle so that we may gain more acceptance and not to be shunned by the community in which we live. If you have any additional comments, I welcome them wholeheartedly and as always I answer all questions honestly and openly just like in my own relationship.
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