Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Excellent, don’t you think?

I’m not saying you can’t have a best outside friends; you know, that person or people you bitch to about things that only REALLY close friends wouldn’t look at you and think you’re a loon. But when you forget to have a friendship with the person who has watched you pee or sing to your cats (not that I do that), you probably need to reevaluate where your commitment.

Sometimes pressures of being a parent, a bread winner, a cook, a handyman, a maid and all the other roles we play as a husband or wife get in the way of the friendship that started it all. When we’re with out friends, we can usually let the other roles go. Take a few minutes to reevaluate your relationship with your spouse. Most likely you started out as friends or at least friendly acquaintances. Even if it was romantic from the very first second you met, there had to be times early in the relationship that you spent learning about one another as people (i.e. BEING FRIENDLY). Peel back the layers and get back to the person you were when you first met. Examine the layers and figure out what makes your spouse special. Share a silly secret, ask questions about their day, start a conversation that doesn’t have to do with kids, things that have to get done around the house or what’s on the calendar to do this weekend. Talk about your hopes and dreams! Hell, talk about a funny thing that happened at work. Talk about ANYTHING that turns you both back into friends because in the end friendship and love are the reasons you got married in the first place.