Interesting series of posts.

Some of my male friends/ex-friends who have cheated on their GF’s all seem to have a few things in common, typically a lack of forward planning/ambition (eg, “i live each day as it comes”), a fun loving attitude, money problems (eg, inability to control finances etc), and problems with drink and/or drug use as well.

If you were to meet any of these men for the first time, you would think they were friendly, down to earth, confident, easy going, and would not have any idea about all the other things going on in their lives, unless you have known them for years.

Their underlying reason for their cheating would be hard to say, mostly I think it comes down to their psychological wellbeing and their general outlook on life - while not being clinically psychopathic, shares many similar traits to psychopathy (see http: //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy)

Of the women I know who have cheated, here are the reasons (as best I understood them):

* a general dissatisfaction with their current life position, long days, stressed, etc. A little attention makes them feel excited again and then what happens happens. Tell tale sign of a woman in this state is constent complaining about everything/everyone around them - really they are complaining about the dissatisfaction/unhappyness within themselves.

* bored with their current relationship or don’t think their current relationship is going anywhere (this has been the reason given when i’ve been approached by the GF of an aquaintence in the past, we used to get on really well, flirt a bit, and it was obvious we liked each other… I did the “unmanly” thing of turning her down as circumstances could have made life difficult if the aquaintence had found out.. (plus I don’t really want to be in the position of splitting someone else up)).

* mummy/daddy issues (abandonment, etc) and/or internally low self-esteem that caused them to constently seek out male attention as a boost to self esteem/confidence. (I had an ex-gf with this, she cheated with 2 other blokes in the space of a month, until I found out and we split up.) Her outward appearence was of someone who is happy and confident, although looking back there were some warning signs that I should have paid attention to.

* similar personality issues as my male friends who happily cheat. Easiest giveaway with a woman like this is having an average 9-5 job, but really expensive tastes in clothing/holidays/cars/etc - almost gaurentees they are in debt, probably have other problems that my male friends had as well. Unfortunatly these women tend to put a lot into their appearance, perfect makeup, hair, perfectly tanned etc, and initially draw the eyes to them because of it..

I think my point is some people are naturally inclined to cheat, and others are not (and it does not have anything to do with looks, eg, i’m sure not all model quality men/women cheat, watch Jerry Springer to see some of the ugliest people in the world who still manage to play away from home).

If you don’t want to be cheated on, then you have to firstly take responsibility for your own actions - what I mean is, when someone else cheats, understand that YOU made a bad choice in choosing them, and not taking a “all men are pigs”, or “all women are hoes” attitude, and then choosing exactly the same type of person again and again.

So, If you don’t want to be cheated on, I suggest 3 things:

1) YOU have to learn to make good relationship choices in the first place (ie, who you choose to have a relationship with)

2) YOU have to make the effort when in a relationship to actually care for your OH, make sure you meet their emotional and physical needs etc.

3) YOU have to make sure you are a “better deal” for your OH than anyone else who just happens to be around - at the very least, you should never ever be the worst deal around - if you gain 200lb, stop fucking, start nagging, and stop learning and experiencing new things together (ie, become boring), well anything is better than being in a relationship with that person. If you think of it that way, your choices and actions to avoid becoming the worst deal around with actually make you more attractive and keep your OH into you, without you even realising it.

In my opinion, two normal people, in a relationship, *both* following those 3 principles will be happy for a very very long time.

Question: Hypothetical situation - you meet someone in the street/supermarket/wherever, how do you know they have no intention of ever cheating, within 5 minutes of meeting them?

Answer: You ask “so, are you married”, their face lights up and they get out photos of their OH, kids, holidays they went on, etc, that they just happen to carry around with them all the time

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