We’ve all been there. Times in our individual lives that bring us pain and hurt. There are times that we ache so deeply inside that it’s all we can do to get out of bed in the morning to face the world. Moments in our life that test our faith, whatever our beliefs may be. Days of grief, sleepless nights and we need seek out comfort. I titled this 10 ways to comfort your spouse, but this really can go for anyone we truly care about. The next time your spouse or dearest friend needs emotional support, think about these simple ways you can help:

1. A hug: Not a mamby pamby hug like you do when you hug an old stranger at a funeral, but a full on embrace. Let the other person bury their head in you shoulder. Let their tears soak into your shirt with the hopes you can absorb some of their pain.

2. Look them in the eye: It’s hard to look at someone when they are in pain. As human animals we can see hurt and we want to avoid it. Stay strong - lock eyes to let them know you’re there for the long haul.

3. Forget the time: Depending on the problem, you might be in the grips of some major emotion for quite some time. Turn off the cell phones, the tv, the computer, the everything. Be there, in that time with that person.

4. Remain silent: Resist the urge to tell them everything is alright. It probably will be alright someday, but it isn’t now and doesn’t help in the moment. “I’m here for you” is probably a more accurate response. And be prepared to actually be there.

5. Blanket and sweatpants: Down and dirty emotional talks call for the comfiest blanket available. Might I suggest something in a Grandma made or fleece? Also, there is not need for buttons and zippers to be present on the pants. Allow them to get comfortable.

6. Hot tea: It’s true, tea does really help calm people down.

7. Let them decide when it’s over: There will come a point where the person is cried or talked out. You’ll know when it’s time.

8. Don’t Pry: It’s not advisable to push people into giving you tons of detail about the problem when you’re in the comforting phase. You may want to solve the problem, but sometimes people just need to let it all out first. Men, this is for you. We know you like to solve problems - my husband says it’s in the genes. We know you mean well, but sometimes we just need you there with us.

9. Listen: As the comforter, you really need to be 100% there. If you’ve followed the advice, all electronic devices are in the off position, but you need to actively engage your brain onto the conversation. Do not try to think about how to approach them with solutions (see #8).

10. Hug: Yes, we’re back at number 1 on the list. There’s nothing in this world like a hug from a person who is willing to listen and do all they can to help. I only wish that we could hug long and hard enough to take away the pain.

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