A recent post on CareerandKids brought up a recent workplace phenomenon - work spouses. Now, I no longer work with “real people” on a day to day basis but I haven’t been away from it for too long. I can say with 100% certainty I did not have anything close to a work spouse. In fact, the last man I worked with I despised so much I would have gotten a work divorce from him soon if I hadn’t left. And my husband works at a company of 50 people and only has contact with men co-workers. I’m not kidding myself there - he’s a mechanical engineer for a company that makes machines that measure gears. Women aren’t beating down their door for a job. Anyway…I digress. Wikipedia defines it as:
“A work spouse is a co-worker (usually of the opposite sex) with whom one shares a special relationship, having bonds similar to those of a marriage; such as, special confidences, loyalties, shared jokes and experiences, and an unusual degree of honesty or openness. The work spouse is a potentially key relationship when one’s actual spouse or boy/girlfriend is not able to understand the nuances of the workplace. While it is not unusual for the relationship to contain elements of flirtation, this relationship can be threatened rather than enhanced if it becomes sexual. ”
I think I know what they’re getting at. I knew some people who had some much sexual tension you could cut it with a knife.
But at the same time, is there anything wrong if you get along with a coworker - even if they do happen to be of the opposite sex? Obviously, if you are in a profession you like, you’re going to be around people who have similar interests. Plus, I have a hard time believing the “bonds are similar to a marriage”. If that’s a case - you’re too married to your job and not enough to your spouse.
Any “Confessions of a Work Spouse” out there?
Technorati Tags: work spouse, affair at work, infidelity at work, marriage
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7 comments ↓
I am very uncomfortable with this type of relationship. There’s a difference between getting along and having a relationship with a person who
1) Their label has the word “spouse” in it
2)You feel they understand you in ways your spouse can’t
3)You are sharing things with them that you should be sharing with your real spouse
I also don’t like how these sort of things encourage flirting.
There’s a difference between a relationship where you just get along and one where you are thinking about getting it on.
And just for the record, neither my husband nor I have a work spouse.
I commented on the original post and had to follow the link over here to see if there was any more commentary.
I agree with DJ and am very uncomfortable with this concept because if you look up the definition of emotional affair - there are some of the same elements especially the shared confidences and openess.
My husband is an elementary school teacher and works with 95% women and sometimes that is hard. I work in a large company with both men and women and have developed friendships with the men but I am careful to make sure that they are nothing more than friendships and am not any closer to them than I am my female friends.
I have seen too many instances where the flirting becomes more and doesn’t end well for any of the parties involved
I have to disagree. I feel that this might be someone that you are with everyday for 5 days and just feel comfortable around that person. You don’t have to flirt or be attracted to that person but instead this is someone who you have that instinct to talk to them first about any issues you may be having or just trusting them. Think about it you are with this person a majority of your day in fact you probably see this person more than you see your on spouse. And might feel like a close friend since they probably know quite about about you and your family from talking everyday.
Actually, we have been researching and writing a book about this for some time. We just started a blog and a website; both are at the beginning stages, so please forgive us for that. But we’re trying to hear from as many people as we can about this. The whole work spouse thing seems to be a topic a lot of people can relate to. And everyone seems to have strong opinions about the whole work spouse thing. Please share your thoughts at otherotherhalf.blogspot.com. - Julie and Brad
Good luck on the book, Julie and Brad!
Just from reading the comments here and on other sites, there are definitely strong feelings on the issue.
I think DJ has a good point - it’s not the relationship that’s the issue, it’s more about comparing it to marriage.
Thanks for the support Heather!
Reading over the comments, everyone has valid points. That’s why we are creating our website (and hopefully a book!) A lot of what we will discuss is about where the line is - and what a workspouse is and isn’t. Sure, there are people who take it too far, but there are also people who use this type of partnership to their professional advantage.
[…] Kids, asked for thoughts on the phrase and practice of work spouses. Heather from Marriage Diva has picked up on the topic, and so, too, have Julie and Brad who have been researching the topic. What’s a work spouse? […]
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