While walking last night, Randy and I were discussing how gender stereotypes play into our marriage and how we break them.

Let me lay it out for you. He is an right-brained engineer (male dominated career), he has a beard, he likes boobs (all boobs, but seems to have a penchant for mine in particular), is great with his hands (not just in boob handling situations either)and he’s very strong. But he doesn’t like sports, has a great eye for color and likes to garden.

I, on the other hand, like to knit, make candles, possess the boobs, and do most of the cooking because I’m not only good at it, but I enjoy it. But, I really don’t like shopping, love fishing and reading about history!

Sit down with your spouse and make a list of the ways you each break the stereotypical gender roles. Look at those likes, dislikes, activities and discover how that makes you and your spouse unique and special. Also make a list of the quintessentially stereotypical aspects of yourself. Talk about why you are that way? Does your husband like football because it’s something he did with his dad? Do you like shopping because it’s how you and your girlfriends unwind?

Don’t take this time to make fun of your husband because he likes Desperate Housewives and playing with kittens, take that time to truly see your husband as a HUMAN, not just your spouse; a man, a woman, a mother, a father. Look at your spouse like a true equal, outside of who makes more, who does more around the house, who tries harder. No one will win any medals doing that, but maybe if we understand what motivates our spouses, we can find ways to divvy up responsibility so everyone is happier.

The fight for gender equality, as important as it was, also created a wedge between men and women that can sometimes hurt a marriage. Sometimes we identify too closely to our gender, rather than who we are as humans so it becomes a game of who’s better or who’s right and we find ourselves saying things like “Men just don’t understand.” It goes back to Lesson One. Love is not a solo game of win or lose, it’s a partner event.

I know there are people out there who don’t believe in gender stereotypes and that’s fine, maybe this exercise isn’t for you. I hate to admit they exist myself, but I believe they do.

Just remember, your husband it’s just a husband, a father, a son, a worker, a lawn mower, a lifter of heavy things - he’s a human. Take some time to get to know him better.

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