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Married Without Children
This is the most dreaded post I’ve wanted to write so far.
Hi, I’m Heather. I’m 31. I’ve been happily married for almost 6 years and I don’t have kids.
There I said it. I’m not saying I’m choosing to be childless forever, I’m almost positive I want to have them so day. That day just isn’t here. I thought it was close, then all kinds of craziness happened. Got laid-off by my prick of an ex-boss, decided to take up writing and running my little online yarn shop(shameless plug, I know). This is still very new to me and I feel like I’m still settling in. It’s not just the work situation, I have some other insanity in my life that I need to nip in the bud.
I’ve heard it all:
“There’s never a perfect time to have kids.”
“You’ll never know love until you know the love of a child.”
“Children are a gift.”
I know these statements are true, however trite they may seem. I do like kids, they’re fun, adorable and I simply LOVE when they learn new things about the world. What angers me are the questions. Since when is it appropriate or in good taste to ask someone when they are going to have children? Seriously, I don’t ask Aunt Petunia when she’s going to get her unslightly skin tags removed or when is Uncle Pete going to admit he’s bald and get rid of the comb-over.
Politeness Rule:
When it comes to anything, living or otherwise, in or on ones body, it is not polite to ask.
I will admit, I’m probably a little overly sensitive. Here I am a WOMAN, not chomping at the bit to experience the wonder that is childbirth and motherhood. I feel a guilty and a little like a cold bitch. I’ve seen women in such terrible mental and emotional pain because they cannot get pregnant and it just confounds me. There are lots of perfectly adorable kids out there that need a mom and dad, do you really need to spend $100K to give birth? To each his/her own, but I hope these women know they aren’t broken or inadequate just because they can’t have a child.
While I’m on a roll, I also see a lot of women that use a child as an accessory. For example, I heard a story about a woman who desperately wanted to have a child. She had the husband, the job, the car and the house. But yet, something was missing….ah yes, a baby. So she went though all the test, treatments - the whole thing. She finally was able to conceive and gave birth. Now, this woman made a good living in a somewhat stressful job and there were no doubts she would go back to work. But she didn’t even take her full PAID maternity leave. And then she turned around and got an even MORE stressful job with longer hours right after that. Um, tell me again why you spent a year’s salary to have a baby? Is it because you WANTED to spend more on childcare? I’m all for women going back to work after a baby if that’s what they want or if it’s what she has to do for her family, but I assume a baby should change your priorities a little.
So there’s my rant. Do I still feel guilty about wanting to wait a bit longer for kids, yes. Do I feel like it’s the right decision, yes. Ahhh, the guilt of being a woman. My husband doesn’t feel the guilt like I do, which pisses me off. FEEL GUILTY DAMN IT!
Anyone else out there have this struggle?
I actually posted my own blog about this a few weeks ago. My hub and I have been married for under a year and whenever we tell anyone we are newly weds the first question we get is, “Do you have kids?” We didn’t get the memo, but apparently nowadays kids are a prereq to marriage and to not complete your life in that order is considered abnormal. It annoys me that people automatically assume that the only reason we would get married so young is because we must have kids.