“According to a 2003 U.S. Census Bureau report on families and living arrangements, 4.6 million U.S. households were occupied by unmarried couples of the opposite sex. That’s up from 2.9 million in 1996.” (Source:Why do unmarried couple opt out of marriage?)
Obviously there are a lot of folks out there living in sin! I kid, People, I kid! I lived with my husband before we were married and in all honesty, I don’t think our relationship changed a whole lot after we were married. What did change? Ok, this is going to sound kind of silly, but here goes.
It felt like I was the first person picked for the team in gym class. My boyfriend fiance HUSBAND picked me above all others. We planned the wedding, dressed up in silly formal clothes and announced it to everyone we were in the game. Hell, for all it matters, the priest could have said “I now present to you Team Randy & Heather” instead of “I now present to you Mr. & Mrs.”
For me, my wedding was a rebirth. A new family beginning - one that he and I were in control of. I’m not saying that people who choose to remain unmarried are wrong in their decision, but I struggle to understand those people who remain unmarried for political or social reasons. For example, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt said they won’t marry until same sex couple had the same rights. I completely agree with them, same sex couple should be allowed to marry (I’ll rant about that another time perhaps) but what are they proving by they themselves choosing not to marry? Do they really think that all 50 states will get together and say “People, we need to do something. Bragelina can’t get married until same sex couple are allowed.” Ummm. No. I know there are a lot of other couples out there doing the same. Seriously people - there are more proactive ways of getting new laws passed. It’s ok. You can get married and still think the socio-political climate of America stinks.
Some people don’t married because they see it as a patriarchal institution. Are you telling me by staying unmarried you are living androgynous roles in your relationship? Are you telling me that you don’t find yourself waiting for your boyfriend to take out the trash or appreciate his strength when it comes to moving furniture? It’s human nature that we fall into gender roles to a certain extent. I’m not saying I do all the dishes and laundry - my husband does his fair share, but I also know how to use a screwdriver and one of those wrench-thingys (kidding). Marriage is what you make it - if a woman and man want 1800’s rules of marriage, then bully for them. If a couple wants the man to take traditional female role and the woman a man’s - great! Don’t use the institution as a cop out to getting married. As a couple it’s your responsibility to mold the marriage.
In sum, if you don’t want to get married for whatever reason, don’t because you won’t be successful. When you get the inevitable question “When are you getting marred?” just explain that you have chosen not to marry. Only rude people will pry further (in my opinion they shouldn’t ask in the first place). For those of you out there thinking about marriage, don’t be frightened or think you’re betraying your feminist side or submitting to a misogynistic tradition. You’re doing what’s right for you and your mate. And in the end, the core of marriage is about you and your mate.
Technorati Tags: Marriage, Should I Get Married?, Weddings
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3 comments ↓
I agree with many of your points. My partner and I were both previously married, very young and we choose not to wed - mainly due to the fact that the government does not have to ‘agree’ (can’t think of better word!) to our union. We need no piece of paper to feel as though we’re a team. I used to get a bit weepy when I watched movies with people getting married, simply because I want to have that “special day” but when my partner talked with me about it, he helped me realize that a wedding isn’t the only way to have a special day. There is no need for us to have a contract in order to be true, and honestly, as we looked around back to school night (for my stepson), we saw no couples who truly seemed at all to enjoy one another’s company the way my guy and I do. It seems that people think marriage will seal the deal and bring lasting “togetherness” but a real, solid connection between two people has nothing to do with marriage. Great posting, indeed.
As far as the government “agreeing” to marriage, wow, you have a great point… but what about taxes, next of kin, etc? Well I guess you can do some legal arrangements as far as the last one…Interesting subject. What benefits does my marriage get me over a non-married couple? Taxes, (not even that great)… ummm…wow, that’s the only thing I can think of…
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