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Hmm, I Swear I Remember Him Cleaning Before the Wedding…
The most recent Journal of Family Issues reports that live-in boyfriends share more in housework than husbands. Well, duh. Before you think I’m going to go off husband-bashing, let me run down a couple reasons why this study is like saying the sky is blue or chocolate is yummy.
1. Usually, Unmarried Couple Who Live Together Are Younger.
Seems like a simple enough statement, right? My husband and I lived together before entering marital bliss and let me tell you about my idea of clean when I was 23. When we first moved in together, we actually smoked in our apartment. We would leave pizza out on the counter over night and EAT IT the next morning. And a futon was part of our “living set”. Do you see where I’m going with this? Neither of us cared as much cleanliness. As women age, we tend to get a little more fanatical diligent about cleaning. Where I used to spend 3 minutes vacuuming, I now spend 30 getting the lines straight and checking for cat puke (sorry, it’s a “thing”). My husband still cleans but I have to tame the cleaning monster that’s stirring within.
2. Fine, I’ll do it.
Come on Ladies, who out there hasn’t thought “It’s going to take him twice as long, I’ll just clean it myself.” My husband admits I’m a better multi tasker than he when it comes to household cleaning. It’s kind of a running joke in our house. So when women clean, they’re like the Antibacterial Tasmanian Devil - spinning from one room to the next while dear Husband is still sorting old magazines.
So many times when women see this, they swoop in and take over. After a while, husbands either realize their efforts aren’t good enough or they realize they can get away with it! I like to think it’s the first. Newlyweds, take heed. When you see your husband floundering while cleaning the kitchen - let him. He’s a big boy. He’s not going to break anything. Nothing is going to explode. Just let him do it. Don’t hover. You can sneak in later when he’s not around to “fix” it.
In short, wives do it to themselves. Let go a little and ask for help. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re inferior woman/wife/mother.
And here’s a little extra advice:
Be specific without sounding condescending (they’re our husbands, not our children). Don’t say “Please clean the bathroom” when you really mean:
“Please clean the toilet, sink, fixtures, shower and tub this morning before the Smith’s come over for the afternoon. Also, Swifter the floor and put out two new hand towels. Make sure there’s enough soap and put an extra roll of toilet paper in the basket. And spray some of that Pier One Bamboo spray in there too.”
Our husbands hears:
“Please clean the bathroom.”
The act of marriage is an art we never master, but should always work at!
Great advice. How do you communicate that “do the dishes” means “rinse them and put them in the dishwasher” and not “rinse them and leave them sitting in the sink”???